Everyone, thank you so very much for all of your compassionate support. Its hard to put into typed words how much your words helped me through yesterday in particular. I was having a very hard time yesterday, as was my husband. He's not one to display emotion, but there were tears in his eyes several times yesterday. We did not know what to do with ourselves because the house felt totally empty so we took a long walk along the shore of Lake Michigan yesterday afternoon - something we had not done for a long time. I was so envious of all the people I saw out walking their dogs -- doesn't that sound awful? I wasn't envious in a 'mean' way, but more of the feeling of being left out What really made me sad was that we accidentally discovered a dog park we never knew existed a few miles from our home and it was painful to see all the dogs playing with their people but I was glad, too, that other people were out enjoying their beloved pets. I wanted to shout out "Love your babies while you have them!" Tho' I'm sure they were all loving their babies just by being there. I am trying to keep myself busy today so I don't sit here dwelling on Holly's last minutes. Today when I came online, I happened to see all the bookmarked pages where I posted questions about kidney disease, various meds and foods and it seems impossible to believe it doesn't matter anymore because she's gone. All the worrying and wondering and desperation for answers doesn't matter. How can it not matter when it was so important to me last week or the week before that? Its hard for me to fathom that so quickly, it seems, its over. I'm not sure what emotion that is but its been a painful issue for me today and I'm entering the phase of guilt now about whether I waited too long and should have done something differently. I don't think so, but now my mind is starting to play games with my heart.