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Bereavement Support Thread

Discussion in 'Sheltie Angels' started by Cindy, Feb 14, 2023.

  1. Sharon7

    Sharon7 Moderator

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    So polite, not like my sharks!
     
    RikyR, Piper's mom and Ron Atkinson like this.
  2. Cindy

    Cindy Premium Member

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    Just found some pictures by going through some of my own threads.
    It was very bittersweet.
    Reading how much time and effort I spent in 2019 and 2020 with Gavin and his wheelchair and PT.
    How he was still using his ramp to come see me at night, and using his steps to get on the couch.
    I had forgotten when he stopped being able to use those.
    How things really started going downhill in 2022 when he got sick when I left him for 10 days over Christmas to go see family.
    We really didn't do much beyond stroller walks and beach visits last year.

    I don't want to say I gave up, but my efforts were re-directed away from spending so much time keeping him active and to enjoying spending time with him doing what made him happy.
     
    Piper's mom, Chris, Sharon7 and 2 others like this.
  3. Cindy

    Cindy Premium Member

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    So in going through my big threads (Dog wheelchair, Gavin's dotage parts 1 and 2) I realize I disappeared for most of 2021.
    I feel awful :(
    Like I missed a year...what happened in 2021?
    When in that the year did Gavin stop using his ramp to my bed?
    When in that the year did Gavin stop using the ramp to my couch?
    I know after he was sick in late 2021/early 2022 he really lost a lot of his mobility. I celebrated every little thing he could do that used to be normal (like visiting me in the bathroom or checking up on me in the laundry room) as they didn't happen all that often. I wish I had written those little things down....I know he followed me to the laundry room late in 2022...maybe even early this year.

    I am thinking of printing out my big threads and putting them in a binder so I remember things.
     
    Ann, Chris, Calliesmom and 2 others like this.
  4. Sharon7

    Sharon7 Moderator

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    So much of the caregiving stages become a blur, and yours went on for quite a length of time. Your threads are like a little diary of happenings large and small in your life and Gavin's. Focus if you can, on what you do have, so very many detailed memories and photos.
     
  5. Chris

    Chris Premium Member

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    Cindy, I'm late to this thread (travel and virus), but it's amazing and heartwarming! I love the idea of binding all the Gaving threads together -- a wonderful history. I suspect you will feel Gavin near for some time. I have Layla's ashes beside my bed. Sometimes I reach out and just caress her urn and Beckon's box. I miss both of them deeply, despite having Asher to fill my Sheltie space. Sometimes I'm absolutely certain Layla is telling him something, like what to do in a certain situation. It's as clear as day, and I'm so grateful she's watching over her Godpuppy.
     
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  6. Cindy

    Cindy Premium Member

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    without the threads....I had forgotten that for at least 2 years Gavin was using the bed ramp/platform to come visit multiple times a night. and I would wake up with him sleeping next to me with his head on the other pillow. How precious...and I had forgotten.. I don't want to forget. So I am trying to reconstruct things...amazon history helps cause I can look things up and know when I bought ramps, motion sensor light, etc.

    I don't want to forget anything from Gavin's life...it was all amazing and I loved every second of it.
     
  7. Cindy

    Cindy Premium Member

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    I printed out the smaller threads (so not the wheelchair, radiation, cancer, or dotage threads)
    had to be sneaky about it at work, as it took quite a while.
    Its about an inch thick...
    It'll be huge by the time I'm done.
    I wish I had posted more in between the big threads.....and in 2021. I feel awful I let so much time go by without marking it.
    I know what I was doing (I started hiking a lot, to loose weight, and was gone 3-4 times a week for 3 hours.) so I know what I probably did with Gavin (stroller walks 3x a week and beach on weekend). But no record of it :( I do have little calender notes on Gavin in 2022 when he was being nursed back from his illness, which I will definitely transcribe.
     
    Sharon7, Piper's mom and Ron Atkinson like this.
  8. Cindy

    Cindy Premium Member

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    Gavin's digital picture frame is all set up now.
    I had to readjust the aspect ratio on the vertically shot videos, but once I figured out what I needed to do it was only a few hours.
    Gavin was SOOOO happy in these videos. It is so beautiful to watch.

    IMG_9065.jpg IMG_9064.jpg IMG_9063.jpg IMG_9062.jpg IMG_9061.jpg

    More family stress. My brother wants to put my Mom in rehab after surgery so he can say he is a good son, even if she is in rehab I will have to send 12 hours a day there making sure they are doing what she needs anyway or else she will wither away (how am I suppose to do that and try and get ANY work done?) and she can totally afford in home care if she needs more than I can do on my own a few hours a day, my Mom refuses to make ANY arrangements or preparations (we wont know what we need or how I will do until after surgery). Basically, everyone is making my life as tough as possible and leaving as much as possible for me to deal with with no notice.

    Mom will be less ornery once she feels like crap after surgery...how sad is it I want her feeling poorly so I can handle her?
     
    RikyR, Sharon7, Ann and 3 others like this.
  9. Calliesmom

    Calliesmom Moderator

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    it's tough for the older parents to adjust to the fact that they can't do everything like they used to do and most of them (my dad) don't want to be in a rehab place- they want to be at home........
     
  10. Cindy

    Cindy Premium Member

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    and that is the irony. I think Mom thinks she will have 24/7 room service in rehab! where I know it will be a fight to get her the attention she needs!
     

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