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It's been almost a year....

Discussion in 'Sheltie Angels' started by Fasb's Owner, Nov 20, 2016.

  1. Fasb's Owner

    Fasb's Owner Forums Enthusiast

    Jan 21, 2013
    Morgantown, WV
    and Fasb's death is hitting me really hard this week. He passed away on December 1st, 2015, and generally managed well enough until the week of Thanksgiving. It wasn't exactly unexpected but he has a good summer/fall, so it hit us really hard when he declined so quickly. On the other hand, he didn't suffer long. He only seemed severely ill the last week of his life.

    Been thinking a lot how things unfolded in that week, what I could have done differently, etc. Weather turned suddenly a couple days ago and we got the first snow of the season last night. He loved snow. Walking it, playing in it, eating it. The nightime walk on a windy, snowy 28 degree night would probably have been a nuisance, but I miss it right now. The family was always glad to pitch in, but I really enjoyed spending time with him, so I did about 90% of the walking, the feeding, grooming, car trips, etc.

    We've been looking for another dog, but I've been going about it half-heartedly. Truth is, I'm not ready for another dog. Not even sure I want another dog. I really don't want to even think about "replacing" him, though that's not really what we'd be doing.

    Eh, just finding it hard right now. Thinking of him a lot, and I have to make an effort not to get emotional.

    Anyone else feel like this? I really expected I'd be further past this stage, 12 months later.
  2. Cara Sandler

    Cara Sandler Forums Enthusiast

    Jul 11, 2015
    It's been 2 1/2 years since I lost my Sparky Love. I still cry over him, and still miss him. I see things that remind me of him and they bring me to tears. I think it's normal and a reflection of the bond you had with him.
  3. mimiretz

    mimiretz Forums Enthusiast

    Oct 14, 2014
    These things hit at times like anniversaries, so not at all unusual that it's hitting hard now, Don't have expectations for yourself in terms of how far along you'll be when -- grief can't be portioned out like that. My family lost the dog I grew up with about 40 years ago, and there's still times I miss him as if it were only yesterday. The what-if's are the most difficult; in our case we don't really know what happened (he got out of our yard, and was never seen again), and I still periodically run various scenarios in my head. So just allow yourself to be wherever you are with it. As far as a new dog goes, when and if the time is right, you'll know. If it happens tomorrow, so be it. If it never happens, so be it. Just keep your heart open to whatever life brings you.
  4. Ann

    Ann Moderator

    Feb 25, 2008
    Western Connecticut
    I've found certain times of year to be harder than others...holidays, for instance. I always have photos of my dogs at Christmas. This year, Pixie isn't in my picture and that breaks my heart. Anniversaries are difficult too. I remember them all at the times of year we lost them, and still miss each one. You aren't alone, and your feelings are perfectly normal.

    You will continue to miss Fasb when and if you get another one. The difference is that the next one will also fill your heart and help you heal. Don't shut yourself off from the love of a dog...they bring too much to our lives.
  5. Shelby's mom

    Shelby's mom Forums Enthusiast

    Jan 4, 2012
    Your feelings are completely normal. We lost Hollie 6 years ago and we still have those moments that remind us of her, and we do still get emotional about missing her. Christmas was her favorite holiday and she loved to open all presents, even if they were not hers. You will know when or if you are ready for another dog. Don't rush into it, wait until you are ready.

    When we got Shelby our lives changed completely. She definitely is not Hollie's "replacement", she is the complete opposite of Hollie. And I have to admit it was tough getting a puppy after being used to the laid back older Sheltie. It was a lot of work and we forgot how hard that was. But she definitely fills that void I had from loosing Hollie.

    Be patient with yourself and give yourself time. Eventually you will be able to look back on those memories and be happy that you had the opportunity to share them. Hugs to you.
  6. Hanne

    Hanne Forums Enthusiast

    Nov 13, 2014
    Absolutely, I think it is quite normal if we not grieve for our departed pets, if not i think we do not deserve to have these loving souls. :no:

    Every time I have lost, then there has gone at least 2-3 years before I could talk about them without pain in my heart and start crying, and it is though every time I have a new little fur baby with 1- 3 weeks.

    None of my new puppies have replaced those I have lost :no: but given their soul to me, and each one given so much love and joy in my life, this has helped me to come on with my life. :yes:

    I will always carry each one in their own little space in my heart and will never forget them.:hugs
  7. Chris

    Chris Premium Member

    Feb 25, 2008
    Northern Virginia
    I can only imagine the pain you're feeling this holiday season. For those of us who love dogs and lose them, time is at once the Great Enemy and the Great Friend. It's good to allow your grief to ebb and flow.
  8. Silaria

    Silaria Forums Sage

    Sep 19, 2008
    Aspinwall, PA
    I fully understand how you are feeling. Our Finnish Spitz was born on New Year's Eve and she passed away two months after her 16th birthday. That was 8 years ago and we still get meloncoly as both those dates approach. We never forget them, even when new dogs come along. The new dogs don't replace them, they create their own place in our hearts.

    You will know when, or even if, you are ready for a new canine companion.
  9. Fasb's Owner

    Fasb's Owner Forums Enthusiast

    Jan 21, 2013
    Morgantown, WV
    It will be eighteen months tomorrow. I'm still not over it. We got another dog, but she decided my wife and kids were more her speed and only really comes to me when she can't get attention from them. We've bonded ok but she'd definitely my wife's dog. I was a bit annoyed when I realized that, but, after about two days, I was relieved. I'm not ready for "my" dog. Not sure when I will be at this rate. I don't really feel sad that Fasb passed - logically, I know that things turned out about as well as they could. Fasb had a reasonably long life for a dog his size and was mostly happy and healthy until the end, even the final months when we knew the kidneys were failing. I still got him to eat well and play hard, and he spend a lot of time with us and seemed content. He did really well until October and was gone a month later. When he became severely ill, we took him to the vet and made one attempt to turn him around. When that didn't work, we knew it was time and anything else would just prolong his suffering. My wife lobbied hard for him to get one last fluid infusion so we could try to perk him up enough to take him home one last night and bring him back to the vet office in the morning to be euthanized, but... I just couldn't do it. He would probably have had a miserable night and we had already said our goodbyes. It just wasn't worth it to put him through that. So I know things went as well as they could have, and if he's managed to survive, he would have been an old dog with health issues. It's still hard and I still second-guess all sorts of decisions we made along the way.

    I want another dog, but what I really want, I guess, is Fasb back, de-aged to about age four or six. Those were probably my favorite years with him.

    Still hard....
  10. Sharon7

    Sharon7 Premium Member

    Oct 31, 2009
    Southern California
    I'm in total sympathy with you. 8 days ago was the anniversary of Ally's passing, after a long 6 months of nursing her with special foods, medications, fluids, hand feeding a bite at a time, etc. As long as her quality of life was good, it was worth the effort. But ironically, we were at the Sheltie National show on the anniversary, and while I was so excited to be there and see all the beautiful Shelties of every kind, when the time came to 1 PM and I realized it was the exact hour of her death a year ago and how miserable we were, I started crying, right there at the dog show. I miss Ally every day and wish she and Asta were both still with us, along with Brooke and Faith. Anyway, just wanted you to know you are not alone and those of us who bond deeply with our dogs have a real hard time with their passing.

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