A Difficult Decision

[celloyogi]

Sorry, I should have been a little clearer there. He said no to getting rid of the dog. And I know its not about the finances. If he had his way I wouldn't even have to pay my parents back for the dog. That was my mom's decision.

The dog won't be going (if at all!) until after I have paid back my parents and exhausted all possible options. He simply loves Maverick and doesn't want to see him go, but it isn't his decision. I want his input but no matter what he says ultimately I have the final say. So him saying 'no' makes sense to me; he doesn't walk the dog, he's never trained the dog. He doesn't have to deal with the nitty-gritty like I always have. To him, Maverick is there to be with him out in the garage and for him to cuttle with when he wants to. But its not his decision to make, and he knows it. *shrugs*

Sounds like your dad really cares for your dog. Maybe you should direct him to read this forum - he can see what's possible and how to get there. There are so, so many stories of people who have worked with dogs from various backgrounds, sometimes just to get the dogs comfortable as around-the-home pets, and even some as competitive agility/obedience/etc.

Sometimes people need to hear this from outside the family. He may not want to listen to you about training, etc., but maybe he will be receptive to the experience of those on this board.

 

[mbfrench]

I think your dad creating a profile here,and joining SF would help the whole family immensely,that way he can brouse the differant threads,and get some great feedback on Maverick himself.

It would be creating an informative venue for all of you.

 

[BarbV]

Very good point! Head collars are a wonderful tool for controlling a nervous dog with impulse control issues. They not only give you more control, they also work with pressure points on the dog's nose that can be calming.

I use a head halter on Toby (I use the gentle leader) and don't know what I'd do without it.

I've used one on my other sheltie Sadie before, she developed a habit of lunging and barking at people. I was able to re-trainer her out of the habit and eventually wean her off of the halter.

Good luck with Control Unleased, its a great book. If you do a search there are several threads on the forums about Control Unleashed and also about controlling reactive, anxious dogs.

The head halter works, of course, but I found the Easy Walk harness equally as effective and less "controlling".

The Easy Walk harness has the clip in front of the chest, rather than on the back. The beauty of it is that you don't really have to tug at it. As soon as the dog lunges forward, the leash itself turns the dog back, then you can do a gentle tug and put dog back into normal walking position.

 

[BarbV]

Ok, I think i'm getting confused.

Dad supports Maverick, yes? But Mom is not a fan? And because you can't be there 24 x 7, you need the family support to get him trained to the level that he will be welcome by all family all day and night?

Is this right?

If Dad is a supporter, then you need to get him into the training ASAP. It's possible that only Dad will be able to turn Mom around, and only if he can also show that Maverick can be managed.

So the key is turning Mom around...what fundamentally are Mom's issues? If you can figure those out, then you can address them one by one.

 

[ElleKayCee]

I can sympathize with your situation. I'm also currently a student (though I'm a bit older, in university) and have basically had to raise my sheltie on my own. Luckily, I got Riley a week or two before summer school ended so I could spend quite a bit of time socializing/training him before I had to go back. Even so, he is my first dog and I found it pretty exhausting. At times I would get frustrated too, but I found that leaving the situation for a while, if possible, then returning really helps. It gave me time to calm down and think "its not his fault, how should I handle this?"

My sheltie isn't a reactive dog but he was fearful and walking him wasn't easy as he'd either try to drag me home or refuse to move. He was scared of everything including dogs and humans. What helped was patience and consistency. Perhaps, try getting your friends to get Maverick used to strangers? I'm not comfortable suggesting techniques for this since I have no experience with reactive/aggressive dogs. However, I was thinking something along the lines of having your friend wait out the barking then offer him treats? Another suggestion would be to try running/jogging with Maverick. Whenever Riley would stop during walks I would sometimes try to run, this helped move him forward and ignore, cars, people etc..

In terms of getting your parents to help, I think you should start off with little things like going on walks together. Do you have any siblings that can help? Sometimes having more than one person there can help quite a bit. I found that it not only calmed me down during walks but also eased Riley's anxiety quite a bit. I would often ask my brother to come along on walks, it was easier for two people to distract him from outside distractions and help keep him moving forward.

You seem to be on the right track. I know how hard it can be balancing school, work, friends and dog time. To be honest, for awhile my social life revolved around Riley. I would either invite my friends over to hangout/walk Riley or go to events where he was allowed to come along. This isn't easy, and sometimes I would get bored/lonely but focusing a good portion of your time now will be greatly beneficial in the future. Now that Riley has settled in, I have a lot more time for myself.

I believe in trusting your gut when it comes to possibly re-homing Maverick. Even though it has been difficult balancing everything and I've gotten my fair share of "He's your responsibility. Isn't this what you asked for?", I couldn't imagine giving Riley up. Just make sure that when you do make your decision, you do it with no regrets. Given all the time and energy you're willing to commit to Maverick, I'd say he's in pretty good hands right now though

 

[Emma]

My response may not be the most popular one but I am only going on what "I" am reading/hearing out of Coalie's posts. I will say she sounds like an amazing young lady, very responsible and is going well beyond anything most kids her age would do; she has a lot of love for Maverick.... she has researched, reached out, educated herself on the issues Maverick is having and doing her very best with the best of intentions to resolve them without the support and help from the very people she should be able to count on the most; her parents. Yes, they may be trying to teach her responsibilities or a lesson...but NOT at the expense of a breathing loving animal.

She doesn't want to give Maverick up without first trying everything she can which I completely admire for a child her age.

She speaks of obedience classes, extra walks, training, socializing him more, seeking professional help (dog trainer)....just about everything you can think of....she is a smart young lady and certainly has the heart and will to do whatever she can in the best interest of Maverick.

However, I am hearing the things that are in-between the lines/her words......louder than anything else and I think it is those words that Coalie is really wanting to be heard.....possibly help in finding him a new home...not so much all the suggestions (which are awesome)...but "real help" in finding a good, loving, caring home that could handle Maverick and allow her to be a 15 year old child without these responsibilities and allow her to learn from this experience and hopefully she would wait until adulthood when she may be better prepared and equipped for the task of caring for a pet and all of their precious needs.

Is it just me??? Or has anyone else even considered the possibility that this amazingly smart child that does love her pet...yet is asking for help in re-homing Maverick........plain and simple (once you read in-between the words). And there is NOTHING wrong with her wanting the best for Maverick and if that is a new home....that is OK. She is doing it out of love for him.

 

[Calliesmom]

My response may not be the most popular one but I am only going on what "I" am reading/hearing out of Coalie's posts. I will say she sounds like an amazing young lady, very responsible and is going well beyond anything most kids her age would do; she has a lot of love for Maverick.... she has researched, reached out, educated herself on the issues Maverick is having and doing her very best with the best of intentions to resolve them without the support and help from the very people she should be able to count on the most; her parents. Yes, they may be trying to teach her responsibilities or a lesson...but NOT at the expense of a breathing loving animal.

She doesn't want to give Maverick up without first trying everything she can which I completely admire for a child her age.

She speaks of obedience classes, extra walks, training, socializing him more, seeking professional help (dog trainer)....just about everything you can think of....she is a smart young lady and certainly has the heart and will to do whatever she can in the best interest of Maverick.

However, I am hearing the things that are in-between the lines/her words......louder than anything else and I think it is those words that Coalie is really wanting to be heard.....possibly help in finding him a new home...not so much all the suggestions (which are awesome)...but "real help" in finding a good, loving, caring home that could handle Maverick and allow her to be a 15 year old child without these responsibilities and allow her to learn from this experience and hopefully she would wait until adulthood when she may be better prepared and equipped for the task of caring for a pet and all of their precious needs.

Is it just me??? Or has anyone else even considered the possibility that this amazingly smart child that does love her pet...yet is asking for help in re-homing Maverick........plain and simple (once you read in-between the words). And there is NOTHING wrong with her wanting the best for Maverick and if that is a new home....that is OK. She is doing it out of love for him.

without going back and reading all the posts, I am sure that contacting sheltie rescue was suggested- both for advice in training and for advice on re-homing.
I can't remember where she said the sheltie came from but if from a breeder, then the breeder should be involved.

 

[KarenCurtis]

I think Coalie is a wonderful responsible and mature girl too, but she has not asked us to help rehome her dog. I think she is getting great advice though.

 

[Emma]

She was 13 1/2 when allowed the responsibility by her 2 parents to care for not just one, but 2 dogs on her own to the point of even having the financial sack on her back as well.

You are correct; she did NOT come right out and ask anyone on this forum to help re-home Maverick.......BUT through-out her post the "implied" for help is there. A person considering certain actions does not always ask for help in a direct way; most of the time they are asking for help in a way where words and/or actions are sprinkled into a conversation hoping someone will pick up on it. Perhaps I am wrong...just my opinion anyways. And yes...she sounds like a lovely young lady; very brave and responsible in my opinion to even hint for the help; I would be proud to be her Mother! But I also would not saddle her with such a big responsibility at her age outside of clean room, help with chores, homework, save money etc..., normal kid stuff.

I did read each post and I just pulled out some excerpts from each post to illustrate what I am hearing...... I am not trying to offend anyone...just exploring the possibility she may need more help than we are thinking.

FROM POST 1
"I'm only a teenager" I'm not even 16 yet", "I got my Sheltie Maverick almost 2 and a half years ago as a puppy"

"my life is chaotic. Between working, going to school, raising two dogs, and keeping up with other house duties, I am a stressed out wreck".

"I had no idea how to raise a dog and neither did my parents"

"I'm only a teenager, I'm not even 16 and as most people can agree, when you are at this age controlling your feelings is close to impossible. I eat right, exercise, and sleep well, but my feelings are still not in check. And that means that when Maverick gets aggressive or starts to act up, I lose my cool quickly and become an emotional wreck. I have tried breathing techniques, but I can't control myself".

"And at this point in my life, I want to be hanging out with friends and I want to be able to be free and enjoy this short period of childhood. But that is impossible with a dog with separation anxiety, aggression, and insecurity".

"As soon as I leave him with my parents, something goes wrong. If I want to get away for a couple of days, there is always a huge argument over who will take care of the dog".

"I've come reluctantly to the decision that I may have to give up my dog".

"Hopefully a dog trainer in my city can give us some specific guidance as to how to help him. And after that, well, that is where the difficult decision comes in. I will contact the breeder first to see if she would be willing to take him, since she lives in the country and that would be the ideal place for him".
"If that doesn't turn out I may have to re home him with a trainer or a family that knows how they can make change".

Post 5
"The only Sheltie-specific rescue in my province does not accept dogs with behavioural issues.. I would be doing fine if I was older and could handle my dog better".

"The reason I have had a problem with him is because he has so much energy and without an outlet he just gets worse. However its hard to use that outlet because of his behaviour. My biggest mistake wasn't not socializing him, it was in picking a dog that had more energy than myself and my family. My Miniature Aussie has been a great low-energy dog and has always been happy with us".

Post 9
"Thank you very much! I have been told I'm mature for my age before, however no matter how old I feel in my head it doesn't mean I'm an adult".

"And even if I can help Maverick move on, I am not sure he is right for me or my family. He has enormous potential as an agility or herding dog, and I think it'd be best if he lived with someone who can give him those opportunities".

Post 16

"As well, I have an update":
"I had told my mom my plan to do obedience and such and then if that does not yield results then we may need to explore the possibility of re-homing him

"It was clear I will be getting little help from my family. I laid out my plan and told them that if we don't all pitch in as a family, it would be impossible to make any progress. They didn't promise anything or agree to anything"

"Nobody loves this dog more than I do and I'm not deciding to get rid of him because I am just tired of him or he isn't exciting any more. Its what is best for him".

"My plan was to do obedience and then contact a trainer, but I am not sure I could afford a trainer. However it is still an option. But if obedience and the book I am ordering doesn't improve things, I will contact him breeder. Maybe she will have some connections in order to help us find him a good home as either a working dog or an active couple\family".

Post 18

"The dog won't be going (if at all!) until after I have paid back my parents and exhausted all possible options. He simply loves Maverick and doesn't want to see him go, but it isn't his decision. I want his input but no matter what he says ultimately I have the final say. So him saying 'no' makes sense to me; he doesn't walk the dog, he's never trained the dog. He doesn't have to deal with the nitty-gritty like I always have. To him, Maverick is there to be with him out in the garage and for him to cuttle with when he wants to. But its not his decision to make, and he knows it". *shrugs*

 

[Coalie]

My response may not be the most popular one but I am only going on what "I" am reading/hearing out of Coalie's posts. I will say she sounds like an amazing young lady, very responsible and is going well beyond anything most kids her age would do; she has a lot of love for Maverick.... she has researched, reached out, educated herself on the issues Maverick is having and doing her very best with the best of intentions to resolve them without the support and help from the very people she should be able to count on the most; her parents. Yes, they may be trying to teach her responsibilities or a lesson...but NOT at the expense of a breathing loving animal.

She doesn't want to give Maverick up without first trying everything she can which I completely admire for a child her age.

She speaks of obedience classes, extra walks, training, socializing him more, seeking professional help (dog trainer)....just about everything you can think of....she is a smart young lady and certainly has the heart and will to do whatever she can in the best interest of Maverick.

However, I am hearing the things that are in-between the lines/her words......louder than anything else and I think it is those words that Coalie is really wanting to be heard.....possibly help in finding him a new home...not so much all the suggestions (which are awesome)...but "real help" in finding a good, loving, caring home that could handle Maverick and allow her to be a 15 year old child without these responsibilities and allow her to learn from this experience and hopefully she would wait until adulthood when she may be better prepared and equipped for the task of caring for a pet and all of their precious needs.

Is it just me??? Or has anyone else even considered the possibility that this amazingly smart child that does love her pet...yet is asking for help in re-homing Maverick........plain and simple (once you read in-between the words). And there is NOTHING wrong with her wanting the best for Maverick and if that is a new home....that is OK. She is doing it out of love for him.

Emma, your reply has made me want to smile and cry all at the same time. I will reply to everyone else as soon as possible, however I need to reply to this right now.
You have pointed out what I am fearing I have felt in my heart over the last few days. That maybe I am just exploring the options perhaps planning the expected outcome of rehoming him. And while I am not looking for help on here to find a home for my dog, I guess you've figured out what I have wanted all along, to be heard. You have no idea what it is like to be looked at by your parents with a logical stare rather than being comforted. At the end if the discussion with my parents, I thought in my head 'Nothing is going to change, don't you see? See how they are reacting? All this stress is going to waste.' and I started to sob and nobody comforted me even though my entire family was sitting no more than three feet away. having this dog despite the stress has aged me years, taught me more than my parents, and made me more responsible than any other child my age that I know.
So thank you for reading in between the lines... and while this won't change my approach (book and halti, obedience classes, and then rehoming) I admire you for seeing it. I will reply further to you and everyone tomorrow when I get the chance.