A Difficult Decision

C

Coalie

Forums Regular
Hello, I am new to the forum... I joined a while ago but have not had the chance to post.
I will be as brief as possible here because I don't want to write a long post, because I need all the help that I can get.
I got my Sheltie Maverick almost 2 and a half years ago as a puppy from a breeder in the country. I was very young and I had begged my parents for a second dog. It took a lot of grovelling and I am not proud of this fact, but I eventually got my way. And because I wanted this dog, it became my responsibility from a very young age.
Fast forward a few years later, and my life is chaotic. Between working, going to school, raising two dogs, and keeping up with other house duties, I am a stressed out wreck. Maverick now has fearful, insecure and aggression issues because we didn't socialize him properly while he was young. I had no idea how to raise a dog and neither did my parents, so now we are left with this amazingly smart, very high energy but very insecure dog.
I have simplified my life as much as I can trying to give more of my time to Maverick. I have learned more than the basics about dog behaviour and i know how to help Maverick move on from his insecurity. I even help friends and family with their dog's issues.
However, I'm only a teenager. I'm not even 16 yet. And as most people can agree, when you are at this age controlling your feelings is close to impossible. I eat right, exercise, and sleep well, but my feelings are still not in check. And that means that when Maverick gets aggressive or starts to act up, I lose my cool quickly and become an emotional wreck. I have tried breathing techniques, but I can't control myself. And at this point in my life, I want to be hanging out with friends and I want to be able to be free and enjoy this short period of childhood. But that is impossible with a dog with separation anxiety, aggression, and insecurity. As soon as I leave him with my parents, something goes wrong. If I want to get away for a couple of days, there is always a huge argument over who will take care of the dog.
And I feel horrible for putting my dog through this.
I've come reluctantly to the decision that I may have to give up my dog. However, I refuse to do so without trying everything I can to help him. My plan is, first of all, to try a little while longer on my own. If I can't make any further progress (for the record we have been making progress throughout the last year, but it is slow) I am going to put him into obedience classes.
I am hoping that obedience will help him to pay attention to me in a public setting as well as teach him to ignore other dogs and complete strings of commands in places other than our home.
If I can't make progress with that, I'm going to seek professional help. Hopefully a dog trainer in my city can give us some specific guidance as to how to help him. And after that, well, that is where the difficult decision comes in. I will contact the breeder first to see if she would be willing to take him, since she lives in the country and that would be the ideal place for him. If that doesn't turn out I may have to re home him with a trainer or a family that knows how they can make change.
So this is where you come in. Please give me suggestions, ask me questions, and let me know what you think of the situation. Am I doing the right thing?
Thanks in advance.
 
You are only a teenager, but, you are a very wise teenager in my opinion because you know when you need to ask for help and that is VERY,VERY, wise as well as mature thing to do.

I'm not sure what advice I can give you, except maybe contact some of your local dog kennels and maybe some of their animal behaviorist can offer you some real practical advice on how to handle your dog.

Good luck to you
 
I would go ahead and enroll him in an obedience class now. Not only can a good trainer help you to teach him basic manners, but should be able to help you with the various behavioral problems as well.
Could you please tell us more specifically what your dog does so we can better help you? What type of fear issues does he have? How is he aggressive? How is he insecure? Without knowing exactly what is going on, we can give you some broad ideas, but if we know more exact things that he does that you need help with we can give you more to the points answers that will be able to help you more.
Without knowing more though, I would highly recommend the book Control Unleashed by Leslie McDevitt.
You can buy it here:
http://www.cleanrun.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&Product_ID=1328&ParentCat=180
While it says it is for performance dogs, the concepts can easily be applied to any dog.
 
I think you should contact a Sheltie rescue in your area to see what your options are. It might make you feel better about whatever decision you choose, and Sheltie rescues know how to deal with fearful dogs. Sheltie breeders also might be helpful, or see if there's anyone on the forum in your area. (Meetup.com might have a sheltie or herding dog group in your area if not.) There are some quirks about this breed and it's helpful to get someone who knows Shelties. They are very smart but they need to want to work with you, and they and you need to learn to control their fear and behavior.

I think you need to see someone in person to get the behavior under control. Dog behaviorists are good but expensive. If money isn't plentiful (I guess I'm assuming that since you're a teenager) look for volunteer or nonprofit resources, like your local shelter, or a friend or family member who knows dogs. Try to find a doggie obedience class, but make sure it is one that practices positive reinforcement and not anything like what Caesar Milan does. Also try to find some clips of Victoria Stillwell's show, "It's Me or the Dog." Those can be educational and she works with a lot of fearful dogs. I like the work of Ian Dunbar. His site is a great resource: www.dogstardaily.com and he has written several very helpful books.

Also, there is a lot of info about fearful and shy Shelties on this forum if you search through the archives. My sheltie had some issues with noise sensitivity and shyness when she was a puppy and I got a lot of great suggestions from here. She is very friendly now.

Finally, if you do decide to give up your dog make sure to do it in the most responsible way possible. No craigslist or classifieds for godsake. Contact a Sheltie rescue; try to find one even if it's a bit far away; they might be able to put you in touch with someone who can help. Or maybe a reputable shelter. Around here PAWS is great, and they do require a fee for surrendering your dog. If you do choose to do sheltie rescue they may choose to keep the dog with you until a suitable alternative home can be found. If they are a good rescue, they will be fine with you asking a lot of questions and wanting to ensure that your dog goes to a good home. At the end of the day that may be the best choice for all involved, even if it is painful. If you do it though, just please remember this experience before getting another dog.
 
Thank you, dblock!

HopeShelties said:
I would go ahead and enroll him in an obedience class now. Not only can a good trainer help you to teach him basic manners, but should be able to help you with the various behavioral problems as well.
Could you please tell us more specifically what your dog does so we can better help you? What type of fear issues does he have? How is he aggressive? How is he insecure? Without knowing exactly what is going on, we can give you some broad ideas, but if we know more exact things that he does that you need help with we can give you more to the points answers that will be able to help you more.
Without knowing more though, I would highly recommend the book Control Unleashed by Leslie McDevitt.
You can buy it here:
http://www.cleanrun.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&Product_ID=1328&ParentCat=180
While it says it is for performance dogs, the concepts can easily be applied to any dog.
Click to expand...

Thanks, I had obedience suggested to me by a trainer.
To be specific; he is aggressive (although it stems from being insecure) toward people, sometimes cars, and most of all dogs. When on walks he will go crazy if he sees another dog and if a car goes by you can tell he gets very anxious, sometimes even barking at it. I know it comes from a lack of socialization. He has never been in a fight with a dog but even when we got him he was very protective of us and would never listen on walks. Not even as a puppy, when they naturally should.

I think you should contact a Sheltie rescue in your area to see what your options are. It might make you feel better about whatever decision you choose, and Sheltie rescues know how to deal with fearful dogs. Sheltie breeders also might be helpful, or see if there's anyone on the forum in your area. (Meetup.com might have a sheltie or herding dog group in your area if not.) There are some quirks about this breed and it's helpful to get someone who knows Shelties. They are very smart but they need to want to work with you, and they and you need to learn to control their fear and behavior.

I think you need to see someone in person to get the behavior under control. Dog behaviorists are good but expensive. If money isn't plentiful (I guess I'm assuming that since you're a teenager) look for volunteer or nonprofit resources, like your local shelter, or a friend or family member who knows dogs. Try to find a doggie obedience class, but make sure it is one that practices positive reinforcement and not anything like what Caesar Milan does. Also try to find some clips of Victoria Stillwell's show, "It's Me or the Dog." Those can be educational and she works with a lot of fearful dogs. I like the work of Ian Dunbar. His site is a great resource: www.dogstardaily.com and he has written several very helpful books.

Also, there is a lot of info about fearful and shy Shelties on this forum if you search through the archives. My sheltie had some issues with noise sensitivity and shyness when she was a puppy and I got a lot of great suggestions from here. She is very friendly now.

Finally, if you do decide to give up your dog make sure to do it in the most responsible way possible. No craigslist or classifieds for godsake. Contact a Sheltie rescue; try to find one even if it's a bit far away; they might be able to put you in touch with someone who can help. Or maybe a reputable shelter. Around here PAWS is great, and they do require a fee for surrendering your dog. If you do choose to do sheltie rescue they may choose to keep the dog with you until a suitable alternative home can be found. If they are a good rescue, they will be fine with you asking a lot of questions and wanting to ensure that your dog goes to a good home. At the end of the day that may be the best choice for all involved, even if it is painful. If you do it though, just please remember this experience before getting another dog.
Click to expand...

The only Sheltie-specific rescue in my province does not accept dogs with behavioural issues. And trust me, I know Shelties well. I would be doing fine if I was older and could handle my dog better. He knows 28 commands as well as hand signals and can fetch like nobody's business. I've been training him in agility here at home for his entire life. The reason I have had a problem with him is because he has so much energy and without an outlet he just gets worse. However its hard to use that outlet because of his behaviour. My biggest mistake wasn't not socializing him, it was in picking a dog that had more energy than myself and my family. My Miniature Aussie has been a great low-energy dog and has always been happy with us.
And yes, I will carry this experience with me.
 
As dblock said, even though you say "I'm only a teenager", I think your are showing great maturity in recognizing that there is a problem with your dog that is beyond your current ability to fix.

But the reality is, that you can fix this, without giving up your dog! Truly! Though it will take a little time and perhaps a little money, if your family is willing.

I don't normally send people to a trainer right away, mostly because I think it can be done yourself - but only if you have the time to learn the skills on your own. Clearly, you do not seem to have the time to learn these skills independantly.

So if your family can afford it, then I would suggest a trainer. But be very careful how you choose. I would advise you to contact a local Sheltie Rescue for recommendations. Tell them your story, and I'm sure they can hook you up with someone decent. Rescues deal with this all the time. I think they are your best resource, right now.

Best of luck to you! I hope you can keep Maverick. Clearly you care enough to do the right thing for hin.
 
My only suggestions would be,

(1) if possible, look for a dog club (ideally one with a few members who have shelties) for an obedience class rather than a chain store. Sometimes the members in these clubs have lots of experience and they might be able to help you also in addition to the instructor.

(2) also if possible, discuss your dogs issues with the instructor before you sign up.

Good Luck
 
Calliesmom said:
Patricia McConnell has some excellent advice that might be of use to you:

http://www.patriciamcconnell.com/aggression-towards-other-dogs

http://www.patriciamcconnell.com/store/The-Cautious-Canine.html

http://www.patriciamcconnell.com/store/Treating-Dog-Dog-Reactivity-DVD.html

I hope that you can work out Maverick's issues but if you can't, I am glad that you are mature enough to know that you have a problem and need help. I very much hope that you can find that help.
Good luck:fl
Click to expand...

Thanks! I've seen Patricia's booklets before and what you suggested seems to really fit my situation! :hugs

As dblock said, even though you say "I'm only a teenager", I think your are showing great maturity in recognizing that there is a problem with your dog that is beyond your current ability to fix.

But the reality is, that you can fix this, without giving up your dog! Truly! Though it will take a little time and perhaps a little money, if your family is willing.

I don't normally send people to a trainer right away, mostly because I think it can be done yourself - but only if you have the time to learn the skills on your own. Clearly, you do not seem to have the time to learn these skills independantly.

So if your family can afford it, then I would suggest a trainer. But be very careful how you choose. I would advise you to contact a local Sheltie Rescue for recommendations. Tell them your story, and I'm sure they can hook you up with someone decent. Rescues deal with this all the time. I think they are your best resource, right now.

Best of luck to you! I hope you can keep Maverick. Clearly you care enough to do the right thing for hin.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much! I have been told I'm mature for my age before, however no matter how old I feel in my head it doesn't mean I'm an adult. Its another struggle of mine. Good idea about choosing a trainer! I'll do that for sure when it comes time for a trainer. Perhaps I should save some money and skip over obedience. Perhaps if he needs it the trainer can recommend it.
And even if I can help Maverick move on, I am not sure he is right for me or my family. He has enormous potential as an agility or herding dog, and I think it'd be best if he lived with someone who can give him those opportunities.

My only suggestions would be,

(1) if possible, look for a dog club (ideally one with a few members who have shelties) for an obedience class rather than a chain store. Sometimes the members in these clubs have lots of experience and they might be able to help you also in addition to the instructor.

(2) also if possible, discuss your dogs issues with the instructor before you sign up.

Good Luck
Click to expand...

I actually work at a chain pet food store so I completely agree. Training there tends to be very simple and sloppy. And the trainers are barely qualified, if at all.

Thanks again to everyone with suggestions!
 
Eagle said:
My only suggestions would be,

(1) if possible, look for a dog club (ideally one with a few members who have shelties) for an obedience class rather than a chain store. Sometimes the members in these clubs have lots of experience and they might be able to help you also in addition to the instructor.

(2) also if possible, discuss your dogs issues with the instructor before you sign up.

Good Luck
Click to expand...

completely agreed
Also make SURE nobody uses chocke chains or other aversive methods which will make it worse...
Socialization or the lack thereof can never be fully recovered what was lost, but definitely managed and minimized.
Also are you SURe it is aggressvion and not just frustration and redirected behaviour...

Good luck:fl
 
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