I lost my best friend Saturday...

[melbell]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sadly, it takes time to grieve over family members. I still vividly remember "my" first sheltie, including her last couple days. I was in 5th grade when we decided to put her down, but she actually passed on her own right before my parents took her to the vets. I've been out of college for almost 2 years now. The memories stick as well as the pain, but one day, you'll find another Crash. It sounds weird, but my 9 yr old acts sooooo much like my first sheltie. They are oddly identical in personality. I'm so lucky to have another "Sally" in my life. Take all the time you need to grieve, it's a natural process. It won't be easy, but one day you'll remember Crash's favorite thing to do (Sally's was putting her paws on my shoulders and dancing with me) and smile back at the memories you had with your boy Crash.

 

[rosesandlace]

I am truly sorry for your loss! I lost my first Sheltie 4 and a half years ago and it was not easy ...I lost my first dog (an American Eskimo) 13 years before that. Each and every pet is unique and fills a special place in your heart. It sounds like Crash held a very special bond with you ...and now that piece of your heart is gone!
In time the pain of your loss will lessen and you will truly be able enjoy all the happy memories of your time with Crash. Btw ... I love your choice of his name ...when 4 paw drive kicks in and the brakes don't work!
Sometimes the best healing is to open your heart again - even in the pain of your loss - and purchase or adopt another best friend ...not to replace Crash (for every one is special in their own way) but to love again in his honor!
My dad, God rest his soul, always said that the only problem with having a pet ...is that their life span is far too short!!!
God Bless you and your family at this time ...you will be together with Crash again ...he's waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge!
Hugs!

 

[Sandi'sMom]

Hi everyone - just needed some prayers and some guidance. having a really hard time losing my "Crash" this past weekend.

Crash was eleven years old. Male Blue Merle Shelty. White with black streaks and a hint of brown on his face. beautiful blue eyes. always by my side. always my best friend. my wife and i got him when we first got married. he was our "kid". spoiled rotten. After our sons were born of course he lost some attention, but he didn't show that it bothered him. he still got his time. he was still my buddy. while he wasn't super fond of the kids, he would lay outside their rooms while they slept, let us know if they were crying - always aware and protecting.

other than his arthritis, he has always been rather healthy. we named him crash as a pup since he would run through the kitchen, try to slam on the brakes and slide into the cabinets. it was the cutest thing.

he lived up to this name all his life - always bumping into things, falling, getting hit by doors - you name it. never once showing any pain.

friday night, we noticed a large mass on his neck. it wasn't there earlier as i was with him all morning. he was acting fine though. i rushed him to the vet to find it was filled with blood. vet said he must have knocked it somehow and the area is filling with blood - its not clotting. his red blood cells and platelets are very low. they are pretty sure he has cancer and this just happened to be the first visual - unfortunately the worst.

we went home friday night with some meds and some hope that he would stop losing his rbc's and platelets, but vet said to prepare.

i laid with him all night long, holding his paws - talking to him. telling him its going to be alright. he didn't look good. by morning he was having trouble getting up. he did manage to get a small drink and go outside to relieve himself. but on the couch he went for the rest of the morning and afternoon.

again, i sat with him all morning and afternoon - believing in my heart this may be it. i asked my wife and the kids to give him hugs and kisses - deep down i knew what was coming.

before we left, i picked him up and we walked around the house - the bedrooms, his crate in our room, all his favorite spots. he just laid his head in my arms as i cried and spoke to him - i knew we were saying goodbye to everything.

crying all the way to the vet, we arrived and he was able to jump down as he loved to sniff around there. he managed to walk in on his own albeit very slowly and gingerly. looking back, i hate myself for allowing him to walk in - i should have carried him. but - perhaps in a way - he was strong one last time - for me and for him.

in the room, the doc was positive at first, saying he looks ok, he isnt totally lethargic, he is drinking but not eating. thought perhaps a few more days on the meds he MIGHT have some more time. they ran some more blood. everything had dropped another 50%. he most likely would not make it through the night.

at first, i just wanted to bring him home, doc said he would probably slip into a coma like state, and then just pass. we wanted him home. then doc said, losing red blood cells is losing oxygen - you in essence suffocate and stop breathing. this i couldn't handle.

they gave me all the time i needed, which was close to an hour of phone calls to my wife. we couldn't decide what to do. i could not make this decision. we were both in tears, we wanted him home, but didn't want him to suffer. if he was suffering now - he certainly wouldn't and never has shown us - my tough boy.

we made the decision, i held him close and tight the entire time - and for about 20 minutes after. i couldn't let go, i still cant.

i cant stop crying for him. everywhere i look in the house, i see him. i come home and he is supposed to be right there (he slept in the laundry room when we were away). he is supposed to be going outside before i lock up for the night, i'm supposed to hear his tags jingle as we go up the stairs to bed.

As he would lay in his corner of the bedroom, he would nuzzle in and find the right spot, and then let out a big sigh before he would start his little snore.

i miss him so much. its been 4 days. i have hardly slept and can hardly eat. To make it worse - i was laid off a few weeks ago so i'm home all day - and while my wife is at work and the kids are in school - its supposed to be me and him - but now, i'm alone.

please tell me it gets better. please tell me he is ok. i just want to hug him and hold him again. please tell me i did the right thing.

I love you and miss you so much, Crash.

Scotty, I am very sorry about your loss. Please accept my condolences. Your story sounds very familiar and it's heartbreaking. Sandi is the 3rd Sheltie we have. None of first two were put to sleep but we WERE going with Cassie. As my husband and me were talking about it all night long as we could not watch her suffering any more from kidney failure. We decided that in he morning we take her to the vet. But it was too late - that night she passed away. She was only 7 years old.

Scotty, you should not regret your decision . You did the most humane thing not letting him suffer. We should have decided to put Cassie to sleep earlier than we did. We were inexperienced and believed the MedVet's clinic's doctor that she would live longer if we tubefeed her. IT WAS A LIE. She did not live longer, instead we all suffered. I was on herbal transquilizer - I was a mess >> I could not see Cassie's sufferings.

Crash is better now not suffering, and he will meet my 2 sweet beautiful Shelties on the Rainbow Bridge.

 

[Bella's Mom]

Crying as i read this. I know all to well that the suddeness makes it just that much worse. Prayers that you will somehow find some peace. You did what uou had to do and should feel no regret. You loved him so much you let him go and that is the greatest love.

 

[Scotty]

Follow Up

continued thanks to everyone - i'm still working on it. 24 days and counting - still feels like just a few hours ago.

i talk to him everyday, and have my breakdowns just as often. i just want to feel him again against my feet when i sit down, or hear his tags jingle...

i was in the yard today winterizing - and there are still a few of his paw prints on the concrete (mud stains). funny how in the past, they disappeared at the first rain. Since Crash has passed, we have had 4 or 5 storms and these 2 prints are still there. wish i could post a picture. (ill try it)

the yard is no better than the house. that was his yard. the area of dead grass (his spot), the mulch he would walk through sniffing around, the scratch marks on the screen door...

i still have that terrible feeling in my stomach, i still cant believe he is gone or that i will never see him again - it just doesnt seem real. what i would give for one more day.

i miss you Crash...

 

[Tabitha]

Oh Scotty, I know you feel terrible and I completely understand. He's not gone forever, you will see him again. Crash would want you to be strong for him, he wouldn't want the one he loved the most to be so sad and depressed all the time. Maybe you need to think about getting another pet. Like we've said before, not to replace him. He/she would help to heal your broken heart. I think your heart may be aching for another dog, but you mind may be resisting. When a close human friend passes, do you resist ever making any new friends? That would be a sad place to be, I wouldn't want to be there. Continued prayers for you and your family that you will soon find pease in your heart.

 

[jumba]

I am a new member but just had to reply.

As a teen I had this beautiful Egyptian Mau cat. His name was Maui. Like Crash, Maui meant the world to me. He listened to my secrets, didn't share them, played when things were good, snuggled after a bad day. He forgave me for growing up and moving out, but he would light up when I came 'home' again. Eventually, I had to move back home and that darn cat was so happy. My shadow. My heart.

He died December 8, 2011. He developed allergies and was on medications. The last day with him we took him to the e-vet. The xray showed a giant mass in his abdomen. Whether it was a tumor or trapped air, we don't know. The vet gave hok something to make him comfortable with instructions to return to our regular vet or back to the e-vet for oxygen. But he knew it was his time. He crawled up on my bed and we had several hours together. Right before he passed to the rainbow bridge he mustered up his strength and ran to me. He laid down and put his head in my hand for comfort as he crossed.

It's been 2 years. Still feels like yesterday. But you know what? It's gotten better. At first it was really hard. But now, on clothes that I've washed numerous times. And moved out on my own again, I find one of his hair. Or a whisker. Things that just don't belong and shouldnt be there. I think that they are little reminders. I know its hard but it will get easier. Instead of being angry or sad that he's gone, the little things will remind you and you can say 'oh do you remember when Crash did this?' And it will fill you with happiness and fondness at his memory. Don't be sad because he's gone, but, rather be happy because he lived and you were the one that got to know him and love him.

 

[Scotty]

One Month today... seems like just a few days ago.

When we vacuum, your hair is still in every corner.

When I come home, I still expect to see you in the corner of the laundry room in your spot, where the paint on the wall is rubbed off from the years of your "curl and drop".

I still pause and look for you when i get down to the last little bite of whatever i'm eating - thats the worst...

i miss your bark.



Thank you again everyone for all the kind words and assistance. While its still pretty painful, i am able to look back and smile a little bit with each passing day - but the tears are still plentiful.

I miss you Crash.

 

[Tabitha]

He was a very handsome boy and very much loved. Hugs to you.

 

[Sharon7]

We all "get it", we really do. Hang in there. The level of your sorrow is very familiar to me personally from when Skye passed. Try very hard to hang onto the good memories of Crash.