I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Shanjen. Losing one of our babies is always so hard because they are such a part of our hearts and lives. My Hamish died at the vets but I had spoken to the vet the night before (we were in the process of moving from one town to the other and I was already working in the new one) and let him know that he was to take no heroic measures with Hamish, who had suffered from pancreatitis for 3.5 years. The vet was a friend of ours from church and it made it easier to leave him in the care of the vet clinic, plus the senior vet was the one who had treated him when he was hopsitalized for the pancratitis first. I knew when I got up the next morning that Hamish was gone, even before my Mom called me to tell me. He had suffered greatly all that summer and I was glad that his suffering was over even though I missed him greatly and was not there when he went.
Know tht you were well loved by your precious Sanjen. No one can replace her in your hearts and nothing can take away the pain of losing her and not being with her at the very end. Keep her alive in your memories and your heart. Take the time you need to grieve for her, for grieve for them we do. Hug her toys if you need to or her blanket if it helps to feel in contact with her. Don't let anyone push you to hurry the grieving process or pick up and carry on in a rush without her. You will know in your heart when the time is right to carry on. Just keep her memory close.