Skittish and afraid when around me

[Kelly]

Moderator please delete this thread. A trainer has been located for the GF and her dog to hopefully cure these problems

Hi Fenceman,

We do not delete threads here unless they violate our terms of use.

I hope you have found some of the suggestions offered here helpful. It is good to hear that your GF will be seeking help from a professional trainer.

 

[lasheltie]

I do dog rescue & have a saying when trying to match dogs & new homes. It seems really fitting here. I say that finding a pet is like dating- you both can be great but you have to be great together or it won't work.

Fenceman, your posts seem to only focus on the negatives. Just my opinion but the vibe I get is a control issue from you. Girlfriend has a dog but you knew that from the start, didn't you? Dog is important to her but you knew that too. Dog has been spoiled but is that the dog's fault? You come on the scene & decide to take control. Dog & Girlfriend don't like that. Surprise? Not really. There is definite resentment going on by both you & the dog. You resent the dog for being "annoying" & the dog resents you because you are taking attention that it wants. And I was amused when you posted " A trainer has been located for the GF and her dog to hopefully cure these problems." Who is training you?

So you don't like long haired dogs that bark & have no manners. Fair enough. Seems like you have 2 real choices. One is to head for the door leaving Girlfriend & Dog behind or decide that the relationship is worth the effort & go with Girlfriend & Dog to training sessions. What you're doing now (making everyone including yourself miserable) isn't working.

Shelties can be wonderful pets. They are smart, loyal & playful but just like people they have personalities. Now there are some breeds of dogs that are not as intelligent & will love anything that comes near them but that isn't the breed you're dealing with here.

She must think you're something special for Girlfriend to have kept going in this relationship knowing your attitude towards her & the dog. If you truly voice to her the opinions you posted here, I would have been showing you the other side of the door long ago. Too bad you don't think Girlfriend is as special & try to work together for a happy ending.

 

[Emmasmom]

I think you are sabotaging yourself and your girlfriend. Don't forget - it is HER dog, not yours.

I sense the animosity, anger, resentment coming from you directed at the Sheltie. It will pick it up more than a person will. I have to bite my tongue from saying too much, but unless you are going to put your girlfriend first and that does include her dog, do both of you a favour. Walk away now. The resentment and anger will only build and then explode. You have already stated that it is you or the dog. That says a lot.

 

[Katagaria]

A trainer has been located for the GF and her dog to hopefully cure these problems

Don't expect a trainer to "fix" the dog or your girlfriend's actions with her. You yourself are going to have to do the most work with this little one, and you will have to sincerely want it to work out and get better.

 

[Mignarda]

I think you are sabotaging yourself and your girlfriend. Don't forget - it is HER dog, not yours.

I sense the animosity, anger, resentment coming from you directed at the Sheltie. It will pick it up more than a person will. I have to bite my tongue from saying too much, but unless you are going to put your girlfriend first and that does include her dog, do both of you a favour. Walk away now. The resentment and anger will only build and then explode. You have already stated that it is you or the dog. That says a lot.

If it's "me or the dog," then a value judgement has already been made, to the effect that the girlfriend is not worth the trouble of the dog.

I'll have been married 40 years next month, and from my perspective, when I exchanged vows with my wife it was with the knowledge that I wouild be obliged to deal with ALL her shortcomings, and she mine. None of this "my way or the highway." That's as poisonous to marriage as it is to cohabitation.

If you're really serious about someone, an obnoxious Sheltie ought to be the least of your worries!

 

[JLSOhio51]

If it's "me or the dog," then a value judgement has already been made, to the effect that the girlfriend is not worth the trouble of the dog.

I'll have been married 40 years next month, and from my perspective, when I exchanged vows with my wife it was with the knowledge that I wouild be obliged to deal with ALL her shortcomings, and she mine. None of this "my way or the highway." That's as poisonous to marriage as it is to cohabitation.

If you're really serious about someone, an obnoxious Sheltie ought to be the least of your worries!

Dear Lord, Mignarda:

Thank you sooo much for this post. I was beginning to think that I was the only one who felt this way. I'll admit, I would be leery of anyone in my inner circle that my dog didn't like (and I would likely cast a suspicious eye upon that individual until I knew more about them), but, I choose my friends and lovers, not my dog. Perhaps my dog would turn out to be correct, but he wouldn't get to choose whom I associate with. What happens if he decides that he doesn't like my kid/grandkid/grandfather?????

 

[jimbosdad]

I can't believe you all would allow someone like this to post on here and then leave the thread up. I would have banned and deleted this member right away if posting to a forum I owned. Its a shame he thinks he needs to give the dog a reason to dislike him anymore.

 

[Kelly]

I can't believe you all would allow someone like this to post on here and then leave the thread up. I would have banned and deleted this member right away if posting to a forum I owned. Its a shame he thinks he needs to give the dog a reason to dislike him anymore.

Welcome to the forums Jimbosdad.

We permitted this post to go to the forums so it will serve as a teachable moment. We had also hoped that some of the advice given would help improve the environment for the dog.

If you check this member's status, you will see they have since been banned. Fenceman was not banned for what he posted publicly here, but for behavior directed to the moderators that will not be publicly discussed.

 

[SheepOfBlue]

I bet it spawned conversations off the board also. I think the GF needs to upgrade him as she already has the best dog.... but then we are biased here (even though Sca and Spitfire are the best for real)

 

[Jess041]

I can't believe you all would allow someone like this to post on here and then leave the thread up. I would have banned and deleted this member right away if posting to a forum I owned. Its a shame he thinks he needs to give the dog a reason to dislike him anymore.

I had a similar reaction, jimbosdad. I don't like seeing that stuff here. This forum is my escape, my happy place! A mod contacted me and gave the same explanation that Kelly did and I agree with their decision. There are enough strong personalities on this forum to tell that guy how wrong he was. And apparently that person wasn't a good fit here anyways. I trust Kelly and the mods to act when appropriate, although I do think maybe there should be a rule added about violence towards dogs but anyways ... Glad he's gone .