Good-ish update on my Katy!

I have come back to this quote from 1075 AD a number of times in my life- it is about human love and death but I can see it applies to everything we love in its way:

‘Tis a Fearful Thing

‘Tis a fearful thing
to love what death can touch.

A fearful thing
to love, to hope, to dream, to be –
to be, And oh, to lose.

A thing for fools, this,
And a holy thing,
a holy thing to love.

For your life has lived in me,
your laugh once lifted me,
your word was gift to me.

To remember this brings painful joy.
‘Tis a human thing, love,
a holy thing, to love
what death has touched.”

― Yehuda HaLevi 1075 AD
 
This has BY FAR been my toughest loss :'-( I'm realizing just how much of my world revolved around her! She would wake me up in the morning, I would make her breakfast, she slept by my feet while I worked, we had numerous play sessions through the day, and she was my last kiss before going to bed. Even when I turned off the lights, the last thing I would say was, "good night, Katy May! I love you!"

I can't do ANYTHING without it reminding me of her and making my cry.
 
We understand, Jason. It's even harder when you've spent months, or in your case, years since her stroke, caring for them when they were sick. All that time you spent nursing and taking care of your pup is suddenly empty with nothing to fill it.

As Margi said, only time dulls the pain some, but you never stop missing them. You've lost a family member. Give yourself time to grieve. We're here if it helps to talk. :hugs
 
Im so sorry for your loss Jason. As Margi and Ann said only time will heal you and even then it never heals you completely. Of course you never forget your love for your loved one, whether animal or human but I believe you get over the pain (to an extent) of the loss. I hope in time you can look back and remember the happy memories.
In the meantime we are all here for you if you need to talk. :hugs:hugs
 
It takes time to process and understand this all in context- a painful time that still in all of us comes back to the surface now and again. The wonderful part of this story is that I am sure Katy knew she was loved, and accepted and cared for and felt that for her the whole of her life.. she endured a lot, you have endured a lot and she will not be forgotten. When I have lost my furbuds the house is so quiet, a part gone forever.. They have such short life spans and we have to deal with that -we do our best to make it a rich life. I swear i see my pups smile back at me when I smile at them-- I hope they do. I will never forget that.
 
Ann said:
We understand, Jason. It's even harder when you've spent months, or in your case, years since her stroke, caring for them when they were sick. All that time you spent nursing and taking care of your pup is suddenly empty with nothing to fill it.
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It honestly wouldn't be quite SO bad if my regular vet hadn't repeatedly told me that she was in good health and I was just dealing with nausea!!

I guess that I'm in the "anger" stage of grief right now, because I've spent some time looking at her lab work over the last year and I'm just livid that the vet didn't notice a trend in her RBC going down every time and her WBC going up every time. That should have been a clear indicator of blood loss and inflammation, so she SHOULD have recommended an ultrasound a year ago!

Not that it would have mattered. Grand scheme of things, I couldn't have done anything about it if I'd known. But I feel like such a fool, thinking that her nausea was improving just 3 days before she died :'-( It's that false hope that makes it so much harder, ya know?
 
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