Gavin's Never Ending Dotage (Part 2)

[Bailey's Mom]

Thanks! It's like my brother is trying to make my mom and me feel guilty over this
gaslighting, anyone? I have ordered a thanksgiving meal from the honey baked ham store (mom likes their ham) that I am picking up tomorrow.
We will eat it when Mom feels well enough.
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Just remember that's his issue not yours. You likely have a better understanding of why he's acting like a 3 year old having a temper tantrum but you are the adult who is trying to be realistic about your Mom's needs and abilities. I think ordering the meal is a wonderful idea. It gives both of you a chance to have one less thing to think about while all the other challenges are there for both of you to manage.

I will say as annoying as family can be if they can't help sometimes the annoying ones getting out of the way is as good as it gets. If he isn't adult enough to understand the stressors involved with cancer and chemo than not having him around while your Mom negotiates this is not as much of a punishment as he likely thinks it will be for all of you. What a gift for his MIL.

 

[Cindy]

So today is day 6 of my quarantine (I am wearing a mask all day, I eat in the basement where I have a Hepa filter going, and at night I have a HEPA filter going in the bedroom that is closed all day). Tomorrow is day 7 and I get to not wear a mask around my Mom! It's been very not fun, but not that bad. My day 5 and 6 tests were negative for Covid. I know Gavin has struggled a bit not being able to see my whole face. But Pancreatic Cancer is a beast...any delay in chemo is really bad. at 83 my Mom is vulnerable enough, so I am very cautious. She is being really careful as well (she still does grocery deliveries).

 

[Sharon7]

Bravo to you for taking the necessary precautions, Cindy. Having spent hours in plastic gowns gloves and masks as a nurse I understand the discomfort! But you are almost there and your mom is protected.

 

[Cindy]

Bravo to you for taking the necessary precautions, Cindy. Having spent hours in plastic gowns gloves and masks as a nurse I understand the discomfort! But you are almost there and your mom is protected.

Mom decided to have thanksgiving dinner tonite, before she starts chemo. Since we don't know how she will feel and when. I know Gemcitabine plus Abraxane is not the hardest chemo (the other option FULFORINOX is notoriously rough), but at 83 I am planning for nausea, lack of appetite, and lethargy. we will have to see what happens and when.

 

[Chris]

I think you deserve Daughter of the Year!! Well done managing family bru-ha-ha and bringing Gavin along!!

 

[Cindy]

I think Gavin might not want to leave here! He has grandma wrapped around his little white paw.
As son as I get into the shower every day, he is asking her to let him outside to go to the bathroom (I always potty him soon before I shower so he does not have to go)..
Mom can get him outside as he can manage that on his own, but she can't get him back inside. which I get, I lift Gavin back in as he has no motivation to walk back on his own. So he gets outdoor time with grandma watching over him while I shower! and then I go get him (it's in the 30s outside so pretty chilly-in my bathrobe no less).

definitely not spoiled!

I keep my bedroom cold here, the heat is shut off and I crack the window so its maybe 55, so he can sleep well.

definitely not spoiled!

 

[Piper's mom]

I'm sorry for the family drama. Sometimes people don't truly "get" the challenges and want to believe things should be they way they dream them not the way they are in reality. I can only say sometimes its a blessing when they leave you to manage your own stuff. As much as your Mom may miss seeing them this holiday she just may not have the energy and this way she can be who she needs to be during her chemo treatments not who others think she should be for their needs.

I must say there have been a few moments in my life where people have so fine we are going to do .... as if it would be a huge punishment for me and I've thought wow thought really sounds great so how do I say this so it sounds like they won and they won't change their minds and come to me anyways?

Gavin sounds amazing. I love when you write about his relationship with your Mom.

I couldn’t agree more! I have a sister like that. My 94 year old mom lives with me and there are times when I don’t want any company but my sister thinks it’s ok to just drop by whenever SHE feels like it. Either she’s finally getting it or I’ve offended her in some way (I think she figures out I’m mad at her but doesn’t understand why) because she’s not coming over as much…either way I’m happy.
And as a Homecare worker I see this all too often…family doesn’t understand or only think of themselves and what they want.
I’m glad you stuck to your guns…your mom is too vulnerable and the last thing she needs is a houseful of people when she’s not feeling well!
I’m absolutely loving hearing about how well Gavin is doing, even getting left behind in a room! I had a chuckle about that one! Sounds like you’ve given Gavin a new lease on life Cindy…who knew? But I think it’s just freakin awesome! You go Gavin!

 

[Piper's mom]

I think Gavin might not want to leave here! He has grandma wrapped around his little white paw.
As son as I get into the shower every day, he is asking her to let him outside to go to the bathroom (I always potty him soon before I shower so he does not have to go)..
Mom can get him outside as he can manage that on his own, but she can't get him back inside. which I get, I lift Gavin back in as he has no motivation to walk back on his own. So he gets outdoor time with grandma watching over him while I shower! and then I go get him (it's in the 30s outside so pretty chilly-in my bathrobe no less).

definitely not spoiled!

I keep my bedroom cold here, the heat is shut off and I crack the window so its maybe 55, so he can sleep well.

definitely not spoiled!

Nope…definitely not spoiled

 

[Piper's mom]

Thanks! It's like my brother is trying to make my mom and me feel guilty over this
gaslighting, anyone? I have ordered a thanksgiving meal from the honey baked ham store (mom likes their ham) that I am picking up tomorrow.
We will eat it when Mom feels well enough.
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Your absolutely right! Your doing the right thing! Know that your doing the best for your mom, your brother wants what’s best for him. Stick to your guns and enjoy the time your with her! And enjoy that ham…it’s sounds yummy!

 

[Ann]

And at Gavin's age, spoiling is just what he deserves! It's wonderful that he's doing so well at your mom's. That makes it easier on you too. Sending good wishes for her chemo tomorrow too...let us know how it goes, and pats to Gavin for being a great therapy dog!